Thursday, February 14, 2008


Who could forget these classic lines?

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
The Dead Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Collector: I can't take him.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine!

Heehee, just seeing it in print brings the scene to my eyes and makes me giggle.
The reason I was so inspired to post these goofy movie lines is this:

I went to the doctor today and, so far, no progress. So, since I have a little over a week left, that's not really a surprise or a disappointment.
Having contractions over the last few days (STRONG ones, but not very regular) has got me thinking. What if I had a 12 pound baby? What if I couldn't deliver and I had some sort of aneurysm and was left "brain dead"? That got me searching for stories of miraculous recoveries from supposed "brain death".

My English pal, Antonia (her blog is private so no link, she's studying to be a doctor) just posted about an organ donation she was involved in from a woman who was declared "brain-stem dead" (which, I learned, is the legal term and qualifying description for what is necessary for some organ donation in England). I read a whole bunch of articles about that and some good stories of recovery from brain injury (there have been some amazing ones of people given a sleeping pill that has made them temporarily "wake up" from PVS). Also, today I noticed a post at the Catholic Trenches about this very same thing! There is just so much about the brain that we don't know!

So, since I don't have enough money for a lawyer to write up the papers...this is my formal, public statement on the matter (even though my hubs already knows how I feel about this...not that that matters these days...think "Terri Schiavo").

If I, Laura the Crazy Mama, get in some sort of accident or have some form of brain damage...even "brain-stem death" and/or I am considered by doctors to be in a PVS of some sort/any sort, I wish to be kept alive artificially. I wish my body to be treated as if I can see and hear everything around me. I wish to go to physical therapy every day so, if someday I wake up, I can actually use my body in some way and it will not be "wasted away". I wish to be a horrible burden on everyone in my family and all of my friends for as long as it takes for me to "wake up"...even if that never happens. I wish to be treated with kindness and compassion and I wish to receive Holy Communion at least once a week. I DON'T wish anyone to "pray over" me or in some way "call down the Holy Spirit" to "heal" me, except a priest!

There, now you know.
Ahhh, I feel much better.

*Oooooo, I forgot one, very important thing...I am always to be fully made-up and my hair to be colored (should I go gray) and styled in a modern style that I would like (to be decided by my sisters and no one else).

Also, Megan, if it trips your have my full permission to bring me to the beach and build a sand castle on me. The only thing I'd be picky about is that I wear some sort of cover-up over my swimsuit (no bikinis, please). I would prefer some sort of colorful, sarong style (don't forget the "Bernie" sunglasses). Thank you.

Kelly, it's true! I feel my mortality every time I'm about to have a new baby! I also have one other, funny, psycho thing: In the hospital, right after they break my water and I know I'm past the point of no return...I want to "run away". I'm sure that if someone would suggest a quick bus ride out of there at that very moment, I would take it in a heartbeat! It's the "fight or flight" thingy, I think...and I opt for flight at that time! It's so overpowering and unreasonable but it's there EVERY TIME! That's too weird, isn't it?

Do any of you people have these feelings during delivery?
I was wondering too, if any of you feel like screaming every time someone says the word "push"? I ordered everyone in the room to specifically NOT say that word when Mari was born. I think I'll do it this time too. Maybe I could think of another word that isn't so annoying?

And how about that big, honkin' mirror that they're always suggesting you use to "see your baby be born!". I say NO WAY, JOSE! I love watching other people deliver, but I'd rather stay in my "happy place, far, far away" than "embrace what's happening here and now...cherish these moments forever". NO! I don't LIKE giving birth. It hurts, for pete's sake! It's messy and not nice and it's really, really tiring and gross. BUT, it's the only way I can do it, so I do it (lots of times, apparently) and try to find the good in all of it:

Hmmmm, I get lots of baths?
I get a few days off of cooking and cleaning?
I get a chubby, cute little baby out of the deal?

OH YeeeeeeEAH! THAT'S why I do that crazy thing!