Friday, December 11, 2009

That Lovin' You Feelin' Again

You know that twitterpated, wonderful feeling you have when you think you might first be in love? You know how it consumes you and every time you think of your beloved you get that feeling? You could be sitting at class, strolling a cart through the store, walking down the street, working out at the club and all of the sudden, you think of your new beloved and whoooohoooooohoooooooo you get "that feeling"?

It's amazing, isn't it? Do you remember how it would hit this little part at the bottom of your stomach and all of the sudden your face would flush and you felt like you just HAD to see your beloved at that very moment? You just KNEW at that moment that you must, for sure, LOVE that guy/girl! Oh, it is glorious (and I don't use that word, ever)!

I was talking, one time, about this to my sister, Katrina. We both agreed (big surprise) that people don't realize that they will NEVER feel that feeling again, ever. Some people have that immature notion of "love": that they must only "love" their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend if they have "that feeling" and if they don't have "that feeling", no matter how hard they try to get it back again, then they must not really "love" that person anymore and it's over.


Here's the thing: Love is so so so soooooo much more than "that feeling"! I didn't even really realize this until about 5 years ago. CRAZY WOMAN! Why would you admit that? Don't you LOVE Butch?

Of course, you fool! I really, truly, and with all my heart, body, and soul LOVE my husband. At first, I loved him because he seemed to be right for me (selfish) and he seemed to really like me for who I was (selfish) and he seemed to really think that I was great, even when I didn't feel so great about myself (selfish). I had "that feeling" and it was awesome!

Then, we had children and got busy and took each other for granted. I still "loved" him but it sure seemed like it came a little harder than it did before and it was on occasion that I ventured to imagine why people left their marriages. It was scary and stupid, I decided, to leave the person with which you had so much stability and comfort...even if you hadn't grown past "that feeling".

I don't know when the "change" happened, but I feel like, with every passing year, I LOVE Butch more and more and feel even more bonded and IN LOVE with him. It's a NEW kind of twitterpated, a new and wonderful kind of love that makes me have a funny feeling in my stomach. It's sort of the mirror image of what I felt way, way back when. It's the kind of funny feeling that comes up when I think about how I would feel if I would lose him...sick to my stomach about EVER being with anyone other than him. I know it sounds a little bit naive, but I could never, never be with anyone else. No one could love me like he does. No one could love my children the way he does. No. I chose very well, back then. I used to think that I made my decision based on "that feeling" and that I might have chosen differently if I had given myself a chance to mature...but now I really don't think that matters. I really believe that REAL love happens when you stop waiting for it to happen and you start WORKING and BUILDING right where you are.

I told a young man in a new relationship (tonight!) that, if you don't "know" within the first few dates, then it will be a choice: you start to decide what you will "put up with" and, if it's too much, a person should just call it and leave with honor. That's why I believe that "marital relations" should actually be saved for actual MARRIAGE. You have NO regrets when you leave a sub-par relationship. Your body didn't get in the way of your decision and you have left no part of yourself behind to dwell with that other person and any other relationship they might have in the future. You actually COULD leave and "just be friends". What a great thing it would be to not have to play those stupid, emotional games!

This horrible Tiger stuff brought those thoughts around again. Why would ANYONE feel like "the grass is greener" or need anyone other than the person with whom they CHOSE to build a life? I don't understand it and, I suppose, I don't EVER want to understand it, because that understanding would mean that I don't love Butch, and never did. What if Tiger would have expressed to his WIFE how he felt having so much overwhelming wealth, talent, popularity made him feel like life was "too big" to be contained within his marriage? What if he had told her that he had women throwing themselves at him and that it was too much for him to handle, as a man? Maybe, if they had gotten help with that reality, they could have gotten even stronger in their relationship and teamed up to repel all of the evilness that is constantly trying to break apart ALL families? I don't know, but I do know that he wouldn't be in the trouble he's in now. I pray for his family, but I don't know how you come back from that kind of betrayal.

I wish all people who were thinking about being unfaithful could see, in a magic ball, the tragic and sickening consequences of their actions. I wish they could FEEL what it feels like to each person involved (spouse, children, in-laws). I wish they could, for one moment, take that moment and banish the thought forever. The moment a person gives attention to, or accepts attention from someone, other than their spouse, is the beginning of the end of any chance at that REAL, lasting love that God intended for the original couple.

Love is an ACTION! Love isn't a touchy feely may start out that way, but it can't hold on without many ACTS of love on the part of both people in the relationship.

Find ways to ACT upon love, to strengthen the bonds of love between you and your beloved, EVERY DAY.

No one has/could ever build a life of PURE JOY out of a sordid, "secret", skanky affair. It's tacky, embarrassing, life-altering, family murdering, miserableness for all humanity.

Thus ends my rant for today. I've been working on this one for a while. If you are still with me here, you must really, really love me (or be a glutton for punishment...either way, I love you right back!).