Friday, March 09, 2007

Ev-er-ee Day's a 'Oliday With Butcheeeeee

I don't like to go to the bar (I always have a sore throat after from trying to talk above the loud music). Butch gets a sore back from sitting in the movie theater. We don't really dance (except around the kitchen). Bowling alleys around here are stinky. Restaurants get old and are mostly too loud for conversation anyway. Butch doesn't like outdoor activities because he spends all day in the elements and would rather be inside.

There is a Cana dinner coming up in Albertville. Butch and I went to one a couple of years ago. Jeff Cavins was the speaker and I thought it was quite lovely but it really wasn't Butch's deal. I guess he's "not quite there" yet and that's okay. I WAS going to make a big announcement on my blog about how we were going to go on vacation to Fla. this May. Just the two of us. Alone. No kids...I KNOW, crazy thought, huh? BUUUUUT, just like all the other times in the past 14 years of marriage that a vacation idea has been brought up I have talked myself out of it using sound reasoning and good judgement (bills, braces, car lease up in May, Butch's union contract up in May, finishing the basement). I am not really all that disappointed. After all...
List time again:

1. We went up north for one night for our honeymoon and that was just so fun, the memory of it will sustain me for at least 14 more years or so.

2. I got to go with Butch (about 3 years into our Marriage) to Lake Erie with his boss, a co-worker and his co-worker's really annoying wife. Her name was Kelly. She howled on and on about how she wanted to go to Kelly Island. I heard about it the whole dang trip. In a Suburban. With five generous sized adults. One who snored. By the time she and I finally got on the ferry to fricken Kelly Island I was ready to slap that b...I'm not a violent person but I swear I could have done it were it not for my upbringing. I went to another part of that stinky ferry and said "Hail Marys" until my teeth unclenched and we spent exactly one half hour on fricken Kelly Island and took the rank ferry back only to discover about a gazillion "Kelly Island" T-shirts right there on the mainland at the local Wal-Mart. NICE "vacation". About the only thing good that came of that trip was that we got to sleep at the front of this little, cramped "mini yacht" type-thing and it was kind of romantic to fall asleep to the wavey water. Also, the public bathroom and shower at the marina was just wonderful and fish smelling...ooooh and I forgot to mention that Kelly and her husband smoked like chimneys and didn't care that Butch has asthma and I get pukey when people do that within about 10 feet of me. Did I mention that Kelly was a "close talker" (who started every sentence with "I"). Oh yeah. You know what I'm sayin'.
Anyway, that trip cured me of any urge to do the island hopping, great lakes experience EVER again-so that's out.

3. It's just so lovely in Minnesota in the spring. All the snow melts and uncovers the offal of the dogs that were missed in the fall before it got sub-zero and the first snows covered them up. Also, it takes several months before the buds turn into full blown leaves so we have all the woodland sticks to look at for all that time. Yup. Wouldn't want to miss that. And lest I forget, there's the 3 inches of mud on Butch's pant hem to dry out and shake outside and sweep and then hope comes off in the wash. And what spring would be complete without making a fun trip to the store for athlete's foot cream that he will inevitably need from having chronically wet feet from all the melt and rain that the springtime brings. Now, if I were on vacation, hooo boy, I would miss an entire week of that!

4. The kids have been clamoring for a vacation for so long and they do deserve one! We really should save our money to get the most out of a family vacation. I mean, I drive them like slaves around here. I make them clean their rooms, do school, laundry, dishes, pick up toys around the house, and other extra things like make them brush their teeth and take showers. Seriously, come on! I don't need a vacation with just my husband when I have all my minions to do my bidding. All I do is:
get up at 6:30
nurse Mari
get dressed
bathe/get kids dressed
get breakfast
"read"(in the bathroom for 4 minutes)
clean breakfast
fold laundry
yell at kids to do dishes
finish the dishes they "don't know how to put away"
start school
finish bathing children/getting them dressed
feed kid who "forgot" to eat breakfast
figure out something to do when school is done
do more school
separate kid who is bugging other kid
yell at kids to empty garbage
make them go outside
make them clean their rooms
remind them to clean their rooms and finish getting dressed
get every one's coats and boots on
get a "car bottle" for Mari
got to community center
work out
get kids back in their stuff
go home to eat or go get food
go shopping for some one's birthday/household needs
go home take everything off kids
put away shopping items
put crankiest kid to sleep
nurse Mari (while answering email or making calls)
put Mari down to nap
finish putting away shopping items
finish cleaning lunch stuff
play a game with Weazy
yell at kids to get off the computer/tv/nintendo ds
finish school
wait for Butch to get home and yell at kids to help me clean up
listen to Butch's day
fight off the urge to run screaming when Mari hangs on my legs the ENTIRE time I'm making supper
clean supper dishes (optional)
talk and laugh and have nice family time
put kids to bed
put butch to bed
hop on the computer
write a blog entry to keep my sanity
go to bed at about 1am
dream crazy stuff until...
6:30 am...
yeah, hardly nothing at all. What do I need a vacation for?

I think I'll just go on a vacation in my mind. Or just go and watch the travel channel. I don't know, I don't ever go anywhere really so it must be just as good, right? A pine tree could look like a palm tree if you squint a little, right? Hey! There BOTH EVERGREENS RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME I'M RIGHT!!!!!! MUD IS JUST WETTER, DARKER SAND THAT USED TO BE ON A BEACH (or a glacier...using my imagination here, folks), RIGHT??? THE COMMUNITY CENTER POOL COULD BE THE OCEAN IF I JUST PLUG MY NOSE SO I DON'T SMELL THE CHLORINE, RIGHT???? THE TANNING BOOTH COULD BE THE ACTUAL SUN, RIGHT (not so sure about this one, not having actually seen the sun since around September)RIGHTRIGHTRIGHT????????????

(laughing maniacally)
(laughing maniacally)

Okay, Butch and I just might need a vacation.