Sunday, May 24, 2009

Please, Indulge Me...Or Just Don't

I just woke up craffing (our word for when you laugh so hard, you start to cry...OR for when you are trying to cover up a cry by laughing).

I had the weirdest dream. You can stop reading now if you're like my sister and you hate it when people tell you their dreams...

I was working as a "helper" at the parish school (that I attended from 1-6th grade). The kids were all sweet and the parents were really involved and had meetings all the time so the moms were always around.

I noticed this one mom; skinny, short brown hair, kind of fussy looking, who always seemed to act just a little bit differently than the other moms. One day, I was wandering around after school hours, just being snoopy and busy, I happened upon this one mom in the library with a student. The student was crying and the mom (who is an actual parish member that I know with the initials of JF and is a sweet lady, she was in my dream, too) was trying to comfort her and get the story out of her.

I pretended I was just passing through but I noticed that the girl had cute hair. It was long, blond and it was wrapped all over with those kind of embroidery thread things (like art hair) and it looked a bit much for a little girl. I told her, "Hey, sweetie, I really like your hair! It's very pretty!" and she seemed to calm down a little.

Around the corner, came "Weird Mom", all snobby. She looked suspiciously at JF and sort of grabbed her daughter away and said something like, "Isn't her hair nice? It costs 100 dollars, EACH for those strands of wrapping!" and walked away with the daughter giving us a sort of "HELP MEEEEE!" look.

Later on, I was doing some other things and I heard someone crying again. It was Weird Mom, she was all upset because her daughter wouldn't come out of this one room and the teachers were trying to convince her that it was okay. I got the sense from everyone that they were all very tired of Weird Mom and just wished she wouldn't be so dramatic and high-maintenance. The girl came out and met with her mom but looked just as tired of her.

In the next scene, the girl was crying with JF again, because all of her hair was cut VERY short but I reminded her that I was the lady that saw her the other day. I reminded her that I had very long hair in a braid, remember? She nodded through her tears. I told her that I had gotten my hair cut very short too and all of the virtuous things about having short hair (feels good, doesn't take too long to wash, lighter and not so headachey). I took my hair out from under my hat and out of it's pony. She laughed and felt better.

There was a meeting being held and I horned in on it. I realized that the meeting had been called by Weird Mom. She was talking about how she was so thankful that we had nice moms and teachers there at that school. She held up her daughter's pony tail with the expensive extension thingies in it, as a way of showing how she "saved them" from her irresponsible daughter who didn't appreciate them. I got the feeling that she was some sort of "stage mom" who had some sort of business and needed her daughter to look a certain way and she was upset that her daughter wasn't cooperating.

I had HAD it. She asked everyone (in a very dramatic fashion), "I just wanted to know, is there anyone who had a problem with me cutting her hair?".

I raised my hand first. Slowly, the other teachers and moms raised theirs too. Weird Mom walked out in a huff, like she was SHOCKED that people felt bad about her in some way.

She walked back in, a couple of days later and she was wandering around in a daze. She whispered, "call 911", acting like, and saying that she was going to faint (presumably because she had been told for the first time that she was less than a perfect mother) and nobody would listen. I had enough and told her, "No one is LISTENING to you because you are being a complete psycho. You are totally insane and nobody actually ACTS like that in real life. These people have been bending over backwards to indulge you in your weirdness but you just keep acting weirder. I'll call 911, if for nothing else, than to call your bluff!". I said a bunch of other, truthful things in a very sassy/mean/rude way. I apologized, but more in a "I'm sorry, but..." kind of way. I knew it wasn't right to be so blunt (aren't I always? doesn't it ALWAYS get me in trouble? Ha!...Even in my dreams!)but I was just saying things everyone else wanted to say anyway.

The teachers all looked shocked but relieved. The police came in, soon afterward and I pointed in her direction. They all grabbed her and she started to (weakly) struggle. I said, "Whatever, Lady, you literally asked for it. You are not sick!" and the police turned to me (there were about 6 of them, kind of like some sort of swat team) and, all at the same time, held up these signs on paddles (Weird Mom was holding one too!) that looked like this:



I "got it" right away in my dream. It was some kind of reality/gotcha kind of show where they plant a seemingly psycho person and then wait until someone "breaks" and tells that person off. I held up devil fingers and yelled "ROCK ON!" and laughed super hard, along with everyone else who realized that we got took. The crying turned to laughing when I realized (after everyone came up and hugged me and yelled "YOU WON!") and I felt so good for telling the truth when nobody else would. I also felt great because I knew I had won $10,000!

Then I woke up.


Not because my dream was so weird and funny, but because I hadn't actually won $10,000 dollars.

I could really use $10,000.


P.S. There is no "" internet address...I already checked.