Thursday, April 15, 2010

"4, 3, 2, 1, Earth Beloooowwww Us..."

That dang song keeps running through my mind when people (i.e. EVERYONE WHO IS WITHIN TALKING DISTANCE THAT I'VE EVER SEEN IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS) ask me "When is the baby due?"

I'm huge. I mean, my BELLY is huge. I can't suck it in anymore. I'm fooling no one.

("The Countdown starrrrrrts...")

I am not a rocketship!

Shut up, voices in my head!!!

"...drifting, falling, floating weightless
calling, calling home..."

I then remember how every time I'm at that "no turning back" moment at the hospital, I feel the unreasonable urge to get up, get dressed, go home and go to bed. "YOU guys can stay here and do this thing. I'M going home. I've decided I've changed my mind and I don't wanna do this any more. Nice seeing you all! Sorry to disappoint you but I'm leaving now!"

("Hello Major To,. are you receiving?
Turn the thrusters on.
We're standing by."
There's no reply...)

Nobody ever takes me seriously when I say "I CAN'T DO THIS!" Don't they know that I really CAN'T?! I guess not, because they won't let me go home and they make me PUUUUUSH all of the time. Jerks.

Oh well, at least they've been trained not not NOT to say "pushpushpushpshpshspshspshsp" I hate it when I hear that and I will just go ahead and NOT push for people who do that awful thing. I'm not their monkey. They can't tell me what to do. I'll push when I'm damn good and ready to push, so there.

(Watching in a trance, the crew is certain.
Nothing left to chance, all is working.
Trying to relax, up in the capsule
"Send me up a drink.", jokes Major Tom.
The count goes on...)

And now, the song is safely here, on my blog, where it will haunt all of YOU and drive YOU nuts today. I need to sit and gestate one more day. I can't have this song drilling my brain anymore with it's synthesizer beat and beeboobopbop robot sounds in the background pushing me to the brink of insanity.

(The countdown starrrrrts...)


Friday. I go in on Friday to have this baby. THIS Friday. (If I don't run away from the hospital, that is.)