"Today the nurse was out from hospice. She changed the dose Michael could receive from his PCA pump due to his increase of pain through the weekend. He state's honey, its hurting all over. My neck, shoulders, back, and the swelling in my lower extremities is awful. Last night we tried using the Oxycontin in between dosages of the Morphine. It helped some but not enough. We also, tried some Ativan to help relax him before bedtime. He sleeps well but becomes very disorientated and has bad dreams. He even got up once and I found him sleeping standing up at the bathroom sink with the water running. I guess that drug doesn't agree well with him. I told the nurse maybe we should try something else. I don't need him falling or something. I have just stood bye all these months while Michael took care of his own treatments and medications but now it will be my job to make sure he is getting the right dose and care that he needs. The nurse feels the confusion at times will become more evident and she would prefer that I take over these areas. I have been so proud over the last year, Michael able to care and do for himself. I feel it's important to keep independence as long as you can. As his wife, I will take over and provide the best care ever. For he deserves the very best.
Michael states" you Nicole are the only one I trust to care and love me completely, you are my angel!
"Ooh! Honey I feel the same about you as well.
The nurse sent pressure stockings as well to try and pull the edema out of his feet and into the upper body. It may work or it may not. For his swelling is different then the normal swelling you or I would get from our vessels. Her concerns are dehydration for Michael is not getting the fluids anymore it's being stored in his body instead. Their is nothing we can do about this. She placed him on a water pill but we can't go to high due to his low blood pressures. Lately they have been 80/44 which is very low. It has been hard sleeping next to him the last couple of nights. I hear his breathing slowing down. I think will he take that next breath. Then I pray, pray and pray!!! The nurse said today I think Michael was given the strength these last few weeks to see you through and now he will be able to relax knowing everything's all right again. I thought, okay! I can stay sick for a long time. I can keep him taking care of me, if that means I could keep him longer. Then she just hugged me tight. She said, " Nicole you are a strong women I can tell and you will get through this. Then my tears came like a water fall, I just don't want to be strong anymore, I just want my husband physically here with me forever! God please give me strength.
As for Nathan he is finally turning the corner, he should return to school on Wednesday. His cough may persist for few more days.
God Bless to all!!
Love Nicole & Michael"