When I look at this picture, I remember that it was the very first, full day of the diet and that the guy standing next to us offered us popcorn and I had to say "no". I also remember how when I was dancing with Anna, I tried to keep my back to the stage so nobody would see my extra jiggling. Now, I know I'm being hard on myself, and I could blame the extra pounds on my having had my fifth baby just 4 months before. I could also blame genetics, the cereal industry, the blogging community (heehee, you guys make it so fun to stay up late and I HAVE to eat extra cereal to stay awake, you know?), or the fact that I have children who don't allow me to exercise. Okay, now about this post title. I have so much gol-danged skin that even if I DO lose ten more pounds, I will still be about 2 sizes bigger than I would if I DIDN'T have all that skin. But, you know what? I don't care. I don't care that I look like a "before" picture from one of those plastic surgery shows. I think of every saggy part and every stretch mark as a badge of womanhood. Besides, I can always just shift it over or tuck it in or hide it behind some clothes. I will never belong to the Catholic Jumper Society or the Catholic Burka Association, but I can dress in a way that shows how hard I've worked on making my body healthy without letting it all hang out, can't I? I also blame part of why I gain so much during pregnancy on my husband and my BDD (body dismorphic disorder). Hubbs says that I look sexy no matter what my current weight is. I know that BDD is usually what you think of as a disorder of the severely anorexic who look in the mirror at an emaciated stick person and see a big, fat lady. I have RBDD (reverse body dismorphic disorder...yeah, I just made that up) where I look in the mirror and think, "hmmmm, not bad, I'll just suck in my gut and lift my head a little" I see myself 40 pounds lighter than I am at all times. THIS time, however, I couldn't avoid the reality that none of my clothes fit and every time I tried on a shirt that SHOULD have fit me, Chris Farley's voice from Tommy Boy singing, "fat guy in a little coat" kept coming into my head....I decided that I can't blame anyone but me and I'd better do something about it. Yes, Kelly, I am still breastfeeding, which for me actually holds on to the fat a little longer so it's extra hard to burn. I work out on the elliptical machine in the garage for 20 minutes or so when Mari takes a nap in the morning. I do push ups and sit ups and try to stretch, but by that time someone is usually hollering about something someone else did that bothered them and I'm lucky to get a shower before Mari wakes up! I have about 10 more pounds to lose before I'm at my goal (where my clothes fit the way I like them to). I lost a lot of water weight in those first two weeks which made me feel so much less bloated and made me feel more motivated to keep going. I didn't even look at the book after week three because I get what works: lots of salad, cheese, (nuts, whole grains in moderation),lean meats, non-sugary vegetables, olive oil. I try to focus on what I can have vs. what I CAN'T. I definitely recommend the SBD book for the reasons WHY all those bad carbs and extra fats affect your body.
Okay, now here is how I looked after church tonight (mind you, I have a tomato stain on the front of my shirt and I'm all frazzled from just nursing and making dinner):
I am down about 3 sizes in clothes and I am finding that most of my clothes are ill-fitting for my body (the skort I'm wearing here is about a size too big but it's all I could find). The shirt is about 5 years old and hasn't fit me for a LONG time (now it's out of style, but it FITS! HA!).
Okay, so now I won't talk about it anymore. I will pray for those of you struggling with post-baby weight and health problems while you pray for Katrina and I in our quest to be healthier.
