Because I had a really scary dream the other night about preparing my soul for death, I told myself we would go to Saturday night Mass and Confession before! Well, I didn't make it to Confession and sort of forgot about it until right before Communion. I told myself "I know you want to, but you should NOT go to Communion. Think of it as a sacrifice and go AFTER Confession." I totally settled into the pew with sleeping Lili, and tried to focus on Christ and thanksgiving. I closed my eyes and was suddenly bombarded by all kinds of flashing, dark images. I opened my eyes and thought I was just being silly and should settle my mind more. When I closed my eyes again, more images of ugly things flashed by and I was starting to actually be afraid. I spoke to Him and asked "Am I supposed to receive so I have strength for the days to come, or should I abstain so I can know I'll be purified by the sacrament of Confession?" The images immediately stopped and I was filled with a warm and sweet feeling of peace! JUST then, the entire church said "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed."! I went to Communion!
I'm sure it's because I went to Mass last night (feast of Corpus Christi) and recently watched the last Hobbit movie (lots of dark scenes of the battle between good and evil), but I had ANOTHER disturbingly eschatological dream last night:
I am in a school building or a shopping center. Butch is hoping I'll follow him around but I lose him. While I'm looking around, another guy who looks like Butch beckons me to him. I think that it's Butch because he DOES look like him and I really think that it IS him but I realize it's just Butch in disguise. He sends me messages about all of the things he wants to distract me with like: work, business, cleaning, shopping, going to the spa, and other fun or distracting things. It's like I see all of these things in his smile so I follow him around for a while, trusting that he would want what's best for me.
There's a nagging voice, inside my head, that's prompting me to question this whole scene. I realize he's a FAKE Butch and most likely a demon or the devil. I play it cool, and follow him around for a while (gosh, but it was tempting to stay!) but I start to get nervous and begin to attempt to deceive the Deceiver and tell lies about where I'm going (to find REAL Butch!). Real Butch isn't nearly as handsome or smart as this fake Butch. He isn't as smooth or charming either. I start to realize that everything in my life hangs in the balance at the choice I have to make. I finally turn my back on that fake Butch and see my REAL Butch coming around the corner with his unkempt beard, crooked smile, dirty hands and boots. I smile and
Whew! These are really elaborate dreams about the battle of forces in the universe. There's a lot going on to prompt this kind of thing: Butch has a new job now, the summer is beginning, Trina has a new love, Matty graduated high school, and babies are growing. There are so many things to do and plan for but I am reminded that the devil is tricky. If he can't keep you, he'll keep you BUSY, right?
I will make time for Jesus every day so he doesn't have to seek me out in my dreams. It may take me a few knocks upside the head, but I can (eventually) take the hint!!!